How to Preserve a Husband

Be careful in your selection; do not choose too young, and take only such as have been reared in good, moral atmosphere. Some insist on keeping them in a pickle, while others keep them in hot water. This only makes them sour, hard and sometimes bitter. Even poor varieties may be made sweet, tender and good by garnishing them with patience, well-sweetened with smiles and flavored with kisses to taste; then wrap them in a mantle of charity, keep warm with a steady fire of domestic devotion and serve with peaches and cream. When thus prepared they will keep for years.

What's Cooking at Trinity: A Guide to Good Taste